Desperation

Not too long ago, a good sister friend of mine shared with me her love story. Her bf(who is now currently her husband) and her dated for a while before her bf dropped the bombshell: He was going to leave SG to a faraway land to pursue his graduate school. She was devastated and yearned so much to dump everything in SG to follow her beloved bf. However, Abba through His mysterious means created circumstances to stop her from leaving SG in a heat of moment. At that point in time, she sure must hate Abba. Nonetheless, as the time passed, she no longer felt the urge to be with her bf and even grew accustomed to living on her own in SG without him being around. Finally, about a year later, the time and circumstances were right and she said, a year later she felt the overwhelming peace (not desperation) to go to this faraway land to join her bf.

You may question is there a difference if she joined her bf immediately then or one year later? In my humble opinion, i think there is a difference. If she flew over immediately, she is going with a heart of desperation i.e. a heart of "I can't live without him every second of my life". This would be bad. She would probably be utterly possessive and would cling on to her bf like crazy. How was her bf ever going to study with a peace of mind? Conflicts would probably arise leading to quarrels, fights and disputes. In such a scenario, Jesus would be missing in their relationship.

Abba only gave her the desire and obligating circumstances to join her bf after one year. Note that, i stressed she grew accustomed to living a life without her bf in SG and she spent more time in the word and in the presence of Abba. This time round, she flew over with a steady heart, a steady heart which has Jesus in it, where she knows she can find favour, recognition and love from Jesus. Such is a stable and secure woman who will not be possessive of her bf and her bf also knows for certain that he can leave her alone at times to focus at his studies. He would know that she is an independent lady.

Hence, more often than not, when you get an overwhelming, burning passion for something, or when you become too overly zealous in it, perhaps it is probably not from Abba. You are probably not prepped and ready for it yet.

You see barely into the 2nd day of my new job, i suffered a panic attack. Perhaps i was overwhelmed by the tonnes of portfolios i have to take-over from my predecessor; perhaps i was empowered by a sense of guilt that my new job requires me to work on Sundays on alternate months; perhaps i was tormented by the fact that the kids at the kids ministry would miss me. All these emotions accumulated into a single desire : I want to serve full time in my kids ministry. So i sent an sms to my ministry full time leader and enquired if the ministry was still hiring. But surprising i heard no reply!! Usually, my ministry leader would reply sms-es promptly. Anyway by the 3rd day of work, things got better at work. It seems i wasn't overwhelmed by work already. In fact a thought came to my mind to take things in my stride and take it easy; learn on the job, pick up things slowly one by one.

Yesterday i was chatting with that good sister friend again. I spoke to her about my desperation and my desire to want to serve full time in the kids ministry. Then yeah she alerted me and shared with me the story you read above.

In her opinion, there is a good reason why Abba placed me in this current job. Serving in this job is as equally important as serving say full time in the kids' ministry. Because we will still be serving Abba. Imagine if all christians would just want to serve full time in the churches? Then who is going to manage your savings, take care of you in hospitals, mow the lawn for you, fix the plumbing system, uphold law & order, defend the country, plan your estate taxes etc? Sure i mean non believers can also serve in these positions but Abba has a plan for each of us for believers and unbelievers. Perhaps, I am not ready to serve full time in my kids ministry yet because there are still importants skills & knowledge which i should learn and pick up from my new current job. If i would to hastily rush in to serve full time, i would not be equipping myself fully to serve the kids.

Another sister of mine Val had a slightly different opinion though. She felt that i should stay in this current job because in my new job^, i am able to make a impact and possibly help many people. The kids in the kids ministry will always be well looked after but what about the people outside the church? They need me..

Hmm.. yeah thats my current predicament for now. I think i will stay on and preservere in this new job until further notice from Abba...

^I am now working as an assistant constituency manager under Peoples' Association.