This is a topic which is particularly appealing to me because of my ministry area. From what i have gathered from listening to my senior pastor's sermons, the fundamental essence in child upbringing lies 1st in establishing their identity with Abba. Now for a long time, christian parents lament at being unable to discipline their children without invoking the 10 commandments from the law era. You do appreciate that it is difficult to discipline a child not to lie, steal , fight or quarrel etc. Invoking the 10 commandments will certainly inculcate a life of bondage and law in the child. So instead of telling your child, "Son, stop lying/fighting/stealing because the 10 commandments say so"; you could try, "hey, (name of your child), you are Jesus' boy/girl, and you are Daddy's God Beloved Prince/Princess. Now, a Jesus' boy/girl will not lie/fight/steal ok?"
I think secondly, it is about listening to your child with a graceful heart; ensuring that you are not quick to judge or condemn your child. For example, your child may tell you that he picked a fight today with his classmates. An over zealous christian parent will instinctively correct the child, "Oh!! you shouldn't do that. Oh!! you know that Jesus tells us to love our neighbours. Oh!! why are you so naughty?". I assure you, your child will never share with you such incidents again because they know you do not bother to hear them out. Parents, how about holding your horses and first probe why your child picked the fight? Let your child finish his words first. Perhaps, his classmates scolded your child? Perhaps, some kid snatched your child's lunchbox? Perhaps his classmates called you names and your child was trying to defend you? There are a host of reasons. Hear your child out and show your empathy 1st. Ask you child, is he/she hurt? Its important to acknowledge his/her emotions, in this case, anger. "Oh, yeah those kids are so wrong. What they did to you is terrible!". Then slowly talk to your child that being a Jesus's Prince/Princess, he/she should not fight and that a Jesus's Prince/Princess forgives because Daddy God loves everyone.
Thirdly, i observed that parents are fond of instilling redundant fear into their children. For e.g., "Son, stay away from the pool because there is a BIG shark in the waters" or "Son, stop hiding under the table or the bogeyman will bite you" or "if you won't stop crying, i will feed you to the dustbin. There is a wolf in the bin." Let me recall to you a personal anecdote. When i was around 5 years old, i needed to pee badly after watching a Chinese Zombie movie.( It was the 1980s, this Chinese Vampire craze was pretty rampant in the cinemas then.) So i couldn't hold back and relieved myself on the grass patch. My mum was pissed and declared, "stupid boy, Awwww your pee went into a coffin underneath the grass. The zombie will RISE and hunt you tonight!". That episode spooked me for the next one year, as i was terrified of going near grass patches or even walking on them. That is ignorance on my parents' part. I believe that our children of God should not be cowed into fear and submission with some man-made fear. Christin parents ought to reflect on this.
Lastly, whenever you bring your child to Sunday church, please for the love of God, don't say, "ah boy/girl, come let's go Sunday School ok?" For the entire week, your child has been in school; telling a kid, he has to go school again on SUNDAY!! That is so depressing yeah? How about rephrasing it as "hey let's go to children church to have fun, hang out with your brothers and sisters and celebrate Daddy God's love for you! Woo Hoo".
At this point in time, i have a strong conviction that bringing up/handling a christian child is definitely different from a secular child. For example consider two different job roles. One is a childcare teacher in a secular childcare centre whereas the other is in a Sunday school. The teacher in the secular setting can scold the kids at will and discipline them as harsh and frequent as the teacher pleases. However, in a Sunday school setting, the teacher is more restrained in scolding the children and tends to treat the children with more love, respect and restrain.
I did share this thought with my good friend, nicknamed "Unsolved" who is also a believer. Unsolved's reply struck me and he corrected me. As a believer, we should handle every precious little child (saved or unsaved) with the same love, respect and in accordance with the four guidelines i have mentioned so far. There should not be any discrimination, e.g. Oh this child is unsaved, so we can raise our voice louder and scold them whereas oh this child is saved, lets treat this child with more love and respect. This discrimination is not right because Jesus loved everybody, saved or unsaved. The only difference is that as a believer, we share a deeper intimate relationship with Jesus, we know the greater truths and we can enjoy the fruits of Jesus's unmerited & undeserved favors...
All right, just to update you, I love my time and work serving in my kids' ministry. Just 2 weeks ago, i helped my kid clean up after he poo poo. It's my 1st time doing this. lol! This is a valuable internship in raising kids!!. Ha each time i serve in my kids ministry, i'm also learning to be a better Daddy. When the time comes to clean up my own kid, i will know what to do. My 12 SIm Shong bo's and 12 Shong bo-rinas will be so lucky to have me as their Daddy. ;p
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